


fear is the weakness

by fantasycostco



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Grief/Mourning, Illness, season 4, talks about murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:52:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3089060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasycostco/pseuds/fantasycostco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol is a survivor. She does what she has to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fear is the weakness

**Author's Note:**

> Second Person, from the viewpoint of Carol. The "he" mentioned is Rick, and the "her" is Sophia.

You can't be scared. You can't be afraid but you can be sad. You are sad. You think everyone is sad nowadays. That sick little girl, the one you promised to look after, is looking at you with wide eyes. You tell her you're not allowed to be scared, not now or ever. Your husband taught you to live in fear and your daughter taught you to live without it. The end of the world came and you held your breath. Blood, blood, blood and tears. Life and death, blood and tears. You grip your knife in your hands, that little girls tells you she's scared.

 You tell her she's not allowed to be scared. No fear, not here, not now. She's just a little girl, just like your little girl (the one who's _dead_ ) and both were afraid. Being afraid will get them killed. You wish you were scared but you're just sad now. Your husband, your daughter, your friends...they're all dying. You're all dying, everyday is just another step closer, another endless march onward. You make sure she's secured her knife, make sure she knows she can't be scared because this will be the final lesson you give. You know he can't let you stay, not after Karen.

 She calls you mom and for a moment she is not _she_ but _her_ , your little girl. Your piece of sunshine in this dark, dark world. For a moment you are willing to pretend but it bothers you, you are angry and you are sad. She is not your daughter. Your daughter is dead. You tell her to never call you mom. You can't let this little girl pretend either. You are not a mother, you are not her mother. She looks sad too, that little girl. She coughs pathetically and you want to hold her close and tell her you are sorry. You are not sorry. There are no sorries in this world, there is nothing to apologize for when the world has ended. Your world is ending (you think but not really, the only ending is death).

 You tell her it will be okay, she is young and strong. The young are the champions of this world, stronger and adaptable. She will survive. After all, you were the one who taught her how to survive. You are a survivor at heart, willing to impart your knowledge to the future survivors of the earth. (Maybe you just don't want anyone else to die, maybe you're _afraid_ of everyone dying). You say your goodbye, you watch her leave, and you feel like you could cry.

 You don't cry, not here, not anywhere. You have to keep moving, he is waiting for you. You pack up your meager belongings and meet him out front. You will not be coming back, as you leave you take one last look back. These people were your home, these walls were your haven if only but for a moment. You do what you have to in order to survive, for the people you care about (for those little girls with the wide eyes and light hair that look so much like your little girls had).

 You don't regret what you did to Karen or the other man, David.  They were dying, they were in pain, they would've spread it and others would have died so you killed them. You only regret that people still got sick. You move on, that's you can do now. Pack your bags and move on.  You help him one last time because it's less time alone. You say her name, you say her name and you still don't cry. He says her name and he doesn’t cry either. Neither of you have it in you to cry over the dead. Not when you’ve cried over the undead so much.

 This will be your final moment. You want to tell Tyreese how sorry you are that it was Karen but this is the end of the world and an apology won’t make up for something like that. Instead you keep trying, you don’t want to go. You want to stay with your family. You are sad, you are sad and there are tears rolling down your face. You wipe them away and you accept what he says. He tells you that you will survive but you know you can’t. Not alone.

 You give him your watch, the only thing your husband got you that was good for something. You will miss him. You give him your watch and that's all. You drive away, somewhere far enough. You are by yourself. You sit in the car and you cry. You cry because you are sad, you are not afraid. No, you are alone and you are sad. You are not dead but you might as well be because you are alone. You are always alone. You will survive though, you always survive. 


End file.
